President Obama Attempts to Swim to Alcatraz

             Last week a secret meeting of the world’s nine economic super powers met in San Francisco. The meetings discussed the current policies of each nation and their plans for the future in the wake of the Global Turn-Off.   (In California that means Recession, “the Big R word,” Got it, Dude?  Wow!!!)

          As one of the planned closing events of the meeting, the nine leaders met at North Beach. The event: The Economic Leaders Swim to Alcatraz.  It was a nice sunny day for San Francisco, about 65 degrees. Mark Twain said, “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.” In San Francisco, 65 degrees is considered a heat wave. What could they possibly know about Global Warming?

          As each Economic Leader lined up near the sandy beach they were handed a wet suit and swimming fins. They immediately prepared for the difficult swim in 49 degree water.  President Obama, the tallest and most youthful, lined up last. He was his usual 20 minutes late. He probably stopped for a cheese burger and fries with Michele out of sight of the media.

          He was handed a blind fold to hold while ankle weights were attached to his legs. His hands were tied behind his back. Looking at the others, he asked, “How can I get my wet suit on like this?”

         The reply was, “You won’t be getting a wet suit.” He said, “Hey, that water is 49 degrees I could freeze in that water if I don’t drown first.”  “Yes, we know,” said the organizer of the event.

          Obama looked around and noticed all the Economic leaders had not only wet suits but swimming fins. Obama yelled, “Hey, that’s not fair I can’t compete like this. I have weights on my legs, no wet suit, my hands are tied behind my back, and they are using flippers.”

          “Mr. President, you are exactly right. The other nations competing against you are swimming in the same treacherous, cold waters as you.  They are neither shackled nor blinded with the restraints that we have offered you.

          The rubber in their wet suits represents their maximizing the use of their natural resources. They do not have the weights of heavy handed government regulation. They are not handcuffed with Transportation, Energy, EPA, and Department of Homeland Security policies like America. They have flippers to aid them through the currents of the dangerous waters that await you. Your blindfold represents how you have developed your economic policies ignoring what history has taught you.”

          President Obama shouted out, “This isn’t fair. I have no chance of winning this way. I may even die.” 

       A reply came from someone wearing a zebra colored referee outfit.  “Now you know how the American people feel.” And he yelled, “On your Mark – Get Set – GOOOOOO.”

 

 

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The 6 Wonders of the Obama Jobs Bill, by Barack Pinocchio Obama (BPO)

The 6 Wonders of the Obama Jobs Bill, by Barack Pinocchio Obama (BPO)

            The long awaited  “jobs speech” had a lot of red meat for everyone.  The seas will part and the heavens will open, we know that because he ended his speech with “God, Bless America,” instead of “God Damn America” as he was faithfully taught by “Rev Right.”

          The 32 minute speech could have gotten us to the opening of football season 10 minutes sooner if he eliminated most of  the “Pass this Bill right away” chants. One or two would have been okay. I find over twenty shout outs to Congress a bit excessive for a bill they don’t have time to read. BPO will be adding more details next week. Apparently, the team of writers he hired from Comedy Central for last night’s speech didn’t invent the details yet.  (I am glad he got rid of those speech writers who kept calling us a bunch of racists. But as I always say, It Takes One to Know One.)

 Here are the  6 Wonders  from the Main Event.

1.  Do not use the bridge between Ohio and Kentucky because it needs major repairs and it is ready to fall down. “Pass this Bill immediately to save the innocent fish who might be killed.”

2.  Do not send your children to school:  There are 35,000 dangerous schools in America.  He didn’t mention which ones had the dangerous liberal teachers in them or how many need more police protection. He did mention that some schools have  leaky roofs.  Therefore, kids can’t learn on rainy days. All schools need new windows too. (I thought we fixed that problem with the “Cash for Caulkers Program in the Stimulus Package.”)  I do agree that there is further suffering due to slow internet service which is causing undue hardships on our youngest and brightest. “Pass this bill to stop the frustrated internet nerds from going to the “Fat Food Cafeteria” and stealing  Healthy Low-Cal lunches from dumb kids. ”

3.   Save the Millionaires and Billionaires from the needless suffering and humiliation of paying low taxes. According to Pinocchio they are demanding higher taxes to pay their fair share so they don’t have to hold their heads in shame when they walk by their high tax rate secretaries. Therefore, “Pass this Reform Bill immediately to relieve the undue suffering of our richest Americans .”

 4.  We are laying off teachers while South Korea is hiring.  “ Pass this bill so our teachers can take Rosetta Stone Korean Language lessons and get better jobs.”

 5.  My favorite of all, “This jobs bill will not add one dime to the deficit because my 12 Deficit Disciples will be asked to find another $1 trillion by Thanksgiving so pass this bill.”

 6.   “In closing I would like to say that I have already taken care of the poor and the rich.  We need a jobs bill to put the middle class back to work. Anybody here have any ideas?   If you do, then Pass this bill.”

 See my book above The Road to Socialism.  Thank you Phil

The Unemployment Figures May Be Better than We Thought

The Unemployment Figures May Be Better than We Thought

  Based on the latest Jobs Report released after
the 4th of July Weekend, jobs were up by 18,000 jobs last week.  Obama reported that while unemploy-ment was up a tad bit, he saw some sunny spots on the horizon.   After further analysis by CNBC, it was discovered that the increase in jobs was not a temporary blip on the job scene.

 The single largest category to see full employment was Life Guards at our nation’s beaches. When the Presidents Press Secretary, Jay Carney was challenged by the discovery, Carney said, “Look at the bright side of this, Labor Day Weekend is only two months away, the third largest weekend for life guards.”

 Carney was quick to add, “Then we will have the Temporary Santa Jobs Program that was a big success last year.  In fact, the Santa Jobs Training Project, called “Project Ho, Ho, Ho” will begin right after the Labor Day weekend this year.  We will be expanding the program to 17 languages.  The ACLU has demanded that we have Santas who are fluent in both Hebrew and Yiddish this year.”

Here is something that confuses me. We give people money to be unemployed and tell them to look for a job but, many on the Left believe that asking people to look for work, especially when the Casey Anthony Trial was on TV, was cruel and unusual punishment.

The heartless Republicans believe if all benefits were ended then those on unemployment would have to look for work.  The Left fears that many of the
unemployed will seek jobs currently held by illegals, the fasting growing voting block in America.  The President’s campaign strategy is based on the theory that “working illegals” will vote for him, while “working Americans” will not. This theory is brilliant for the Democrats.  It is a Win, Win, Win, Lose Proposition.  Illegals get jobs, Americans get Unemployment Checks, and Obama gets votes, but we, the American People, lose because we pay for all of it. What a country!

             In a related story: Using the latest economic indicator, it was reported that many people are taking Spanish as a second language in order to apply for “Green Jobs,” lawn mowing and gardening jobs. Many former corporate executives have been seen at the beach without sunscreen in order to look more ethnic.  Tanning Salons are doing a booming business in non-beach towns.  Wal-Mart reports that sales of straw hats is on the rebound indicating that the economy is improving.

The Fourth of July: My Mother and Thomas Paine

       This holiday was born with the Declaration of Independence in 1776 which was written by my favorite patriot, Thomas Jefferson. This “season of independence” always reminds me of family and patriots.  Today’s story is about two unrelated patriots, my mother, Betty, and Thomas Paine.

       My mother was more than just my mother, she was my best friend. As she  declined in health I never missed a day with her except for business trips and very, very short vacations. Due to her failing health during the last seven years of her life, we never traveled very far from home or stayed away more than a few days.

       I remember growing up:  she and my father always had large 4th of July parties that lasted into the night when we watched the “Fireworks” at the high school a half mile away. My parents were the product of immigrants, and carried with them high moral character and a love of the opportunity of America. My mother was the one who did the moral teaching and my father Hans did the moral lecturing. Growing up, the only time I told a lie, I was caught. It never happened again. Today he would be accused of physical abuse.  I think what he did that day was set in place a brick of moral character.  On the much softer side, I was lectured on George Washington and the cherry tree. The thought of chopping down a cherry tree never entered my mind after the lesson I was taught that day.

       Betty’s last memory of Independence Day was that of calling 911 on one of her last 4th of Julys. We were on a short weekend trip and she had “one of her episodes” and wound up in the hospital.  After that she often said, “I will always remember the 4th of July because that was the day I called 911.”  One early morning the phone rang.  It was Betty and she demanded that I rush to her apartment. She lived  in an Assisted Living Facility about 5 minutes away. When  I asked why and she said, “Philip, just come.” When she called me “Philip” I knew it was urgent. I raced to her home and entered her small apartment.  I asked what was wrong.  She said, “Take me to the hospital, I can’t breathe.”  I put her in the car with her portable oxygen tank and we proceeded to the hospital.  She seemed better, maybe just because I was there.  In an attempt to make small talk I asked, “Why didn’t you call 911?” With a big smile on her face and a look of calmness she said, “I didn’t want to bother those nice boys again.” After that trip to the hospital she told all her friends that, “Philip is my 911.”  On our last 911 she never returned home again, she died on Easter 2001.  I am glad she never knew of September 11th that year.  That 911 would have upset her very deeply.  She was a patriot in her beliefs and her character. Today,  we still have 4th of July parties every year and for me it is Independence Day and “the Day my Mom Called 911.”

       Thomas Paine, the British born subject, came to America and became a patriot in only three years after his arrival in Philadelphia. He is best known for writing Common Sense, in January of 1776. It was a short publication that became the rallying cry for people to unite for independence.   Common Sense was written to solidify the sentiment for independence from a tyrannical ruler. It outlined the series of abuses and united the peoples of the various colonies.  Common Sense was the single largest publication in the history of America with over 150,000 copies distributed.

       Paine,  under the  fear of being charged with sedition, released the first printing anonymously as “A British friend”. Later printings took on various pen names. Paine struggled financially all of his life.  He never took a shilling for his work.  All profits he was offered from the best seller of independence went back into price reductions to distribute his book which turned the tide to prepare the colonists  for independence.

        Next Paine wrote The Crisis in December of 1776 which was the first of several articles promoting an American Revolution to defeat tyranny.   What was written in 1776 aptly applies today consistent with the series of abuses we are witnessing in our government. It starts with his most famous quote:

            “These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything it value.”

As you travel through your day, please think of a family member and some of the great men who gave us the reason to celebrate our freedom on this Independence Day.

Immigration Week

Immigration Week

This is bonus week. I was already planning on writing an article when the President sent a letter to ICE, telling Immigration Enforcement Officers to relax ID requirements on illegals.  I told you this President won’t stop giving me  material. What ever happened to the slow news week? But, don’t worry, the situation isn’t as bad as it seems, I have a solution.   There are 2 articles this week,  A Real Solution to Immigration Reform and Governor Brewer Refuses Holder Permit to Sell Guns To Drug Cartels

Real Solution for Immigration Reform

A Real Solution for Immigration Reform for those States Who Want to Preserve Freedom

Obama’s Freedom Bus to Chicago

Each Border State should offer every illegal $500 when they get off the Freedom Bus in Chicago.  Re-settlement camps can be set up in Lincoln Park.  Each person will be given a sign that says, “Thank You Obama.  We will vote for you in 2012.” We can flood Chicago, San Francisco, and Los Angeles for starters and then “move-on” to other major Blue State Cities.  If these liberals want them, they can have them. They can vote for Hope and Change in the States that want it. We don’t have to take it anymore.

 I say open the gates and let em’ in.  Our buses will meet them at the border and we will take them for ride. Think of the immediate benefits: the jails will be vacant, schools can start teaching in English again, and the lines at the Emergency Rooms will be shorter and no more long waits on Election Day and best of all, you can leave your car running when you go to the 7-11 to buy your Stimulus Lottery Tickets.

I only have one question: How do you unionize illegals if every time you walk into the workplace they run away and hide?   Oh, that is a problem for Obama, Botox Pelosi, Barbi Boxer and Her Eminence Diane Feinstein. By the way: How come illegals can afford to live in California but working people can’t?

Note: I lived in California and worked around Pelosi, Boxer, and Feinstein in their early days in politics.   Now I live in Florida. In the immortal words of MLK, who was named after many streets in America, “I am Free at Last, Free at Last.”

Gov. Brewer Refuses DOJ Permit to Sell Guns to Drug Cartels

Governor Brewer Refuses Holder Permit to Sell Guns To Drug Cartels

ATF Officers at Flea Market

Governor Brewer is playing Tit for Tat with the highest Law Officer in the Land. Many say it is a grudge match, but Governor Brewer said that Eric Holder and his band of Outlaws may not sell guns to Drug Dealers in the State of Arizona without a permit.

Many think this is revenge for the Court Order to stop asking  illegals if they are illegal.  DOJ Chief Holder said SB 1070 was clearly a racist act and that all illegals, especially for those caught in stolen cars, should not have to produce any form of identification.  In a public statement Holder said all illegals should be given new cars as retribution for our collective racist behavior.  Shortly after this statement, President Obama announced his plan.

The theory is really quite simple and it makes a lot of sense from the Governments point of view. If all illegals were issued new cars they would not have to steal cars and that would immediately reduce the crime rate.    It was initially thought this bold move would immediately put Union Workers back to work. But, in a turnaround move by the White House, President Obama signed a Trade Agreement with Mexico.  President Obama ordered that all cars given to illegals will be made in Mexico.  That way the Instruction Manuals would only have to be printed in Spanish rather than the costly Manuals in the US that are printed in English, Spanish and Arabic.

At a joint press conference, President Calderon thanked President Obama for the new factory to be built by GM at no cost to Mexico.   Obama said it was the least he could do after Mexico was kind enough to send him so many new voters. He also mentioned that they would be returning on November 7th 2012 after the election.

 Governor Brewer’s move was equally bold because her lawsuit against the DOJ  included a Cease and Desist Order. She managed to serve the C & D Order on ATF Agents at the Flea Market where they were selling heavy artillery.   Later that day she personally called Attorney General Holder and gave him a great suggestion. She said, “Since the Texas border is longer than ours, why don’t you just smuggle guns into Mexico from Texas and sell them in Mexico?”  His first response was that based on Mexican law it was illegal to smuggle guns into Mexico and secondly, he said, “Jan, do you know what those people are like, it is far too dangerous.”

Holder followed up with the Governor by asking why she was “making a such big deal about a measly couple of million dollars in gun sales?”   She said, “To be honest with your Eric, you started it when you sent me that letter requiring the Girl Scouts to have permits to sell cookies.”  “You said it was to protect the people, so I will be damned if I let you sell guns to drug dealers in Arizona without a permit.”

 After a short pause, the Attorney General replied, “Jan, I will get back to you. I have a long distance call on the other line.  I think it’s Mexico with another order for AK-47s.”