Is Your Granny a Right Wing Radical?

Philip Frommholz

Is Your Granny a Right Wing Radical?

We were about to start the Anti-Jobs Bill Rally, but we needed a few more people. Mildred had called and said she was bringing some people over. While I was thinking about what we should do, a small mini-bus pulled up. The big letters on the side of the bus said Happy Acres Adult Living. The bus driver jumped out followed by a little old stubby lady with silver-blue hair.

People began filing out of the bus. Some had walkers, a tall lanky fellow in a light brown suit and white shirt and tie was using a cane and carrying a big American Flag on a pole. His floppy suit looked like it was purchased about 40 pounds ago. More came out carrying signs and started lining up along side the bus. Blue Hair was barking out orders like a drill sergeant and they started moving toward our corner.

I went over and asked, “You must be Mildred?” She replied “You can call me Millie.” Looking at the crowd of 11, I estimated the average age must have been around 80. I inquired, “How did you organize this bus load of protestors?” Thinking to myself jokingly, “Now I know what Janet Napolitano is afraid of – Far Right Wing Radicals.”

“It was easy. I pulled out Rule #7 from Obama’s Playbook” “What is Rule # 7?” I naively asked. “I told them we had a bus and we were going to the mall because they were giving away free food in the Food Court. Then we just brought them here to the rally.”

“I see that but what is Rule #7?” “Rule #7 is you tell them what they want to believe and then you do whatever you want with them. If I told them we were going to a rally in the hot sun they would have never gotten on the dang bus. You have to do whatever it takes to get the job done.”

“What did you tell them when you didn’t go to the Mall?” “That was easy. I convinced them that it was bus driver’s fault. You always have to have someone else to blame. That is Rule #1”. You Never want to take the hit for a mistake. Makes ya’ look weak.”

“So what you are saying is the bus driver is the enemy?” “Yep, you’re catching on Sonny. You always have to have someone else to blame.” “Rule # 2 is, No matter what happens, it is never your fault?”

My curiosity was rising. “How do you keep them happy?” “We promise them they will get some soft food when we get back to the home.” I said, “Umh, interesting, are you going to do that?” “Who cares? They will be happy just to get back on the bus after 2 hours in the hot sun. If you wear them out protesting they will be grateful to do anything. That is Rule #3.”

“But what if one of them gets sick or falls down?” Millie said, “Look at them. They’re old. You always have to expect some collateral damage”, she said matter of factly as she started walking toward her troops.

Millie began organizing people and putting them in the right places. One was a real patriot. He was leaning on his walker. It had red, white and blue tennis balls on the feet. Mr. Brown Suit was next to Mr. Patriot Walker holding the flag. Everyone was yelling and waving their signs. It was quite a sight to see these octogenarians yelling at the passing traffic.

Millie came back and asked, “What do you think of that sign?” “You mean the Drugs for Clunkers sign?” “No. The Hands off My Guns and Medicare Card sign”.

“That is great. I get the Medicare Card part but you don’t carry guns do you?” Millie bent over and pulled out a Glock 9 from her ankle holster under her pant leg. She raised it like a pro as she beaded down the barrel. She asked, “What do you think?”

With a quiver in my voice I mumbled “Very impressive, you sure you can handle that thing?” “Of course, we had to take classes to get our carry permits.” Wanting to be reassured I asked, “You sure your people are safe with guns?”

“See Alice over there in the pink rayon pant suit?” “Yeah”. I was afraid to hear what was coming next. “She called me to her room at the Happy Farm last week and was all excited. When I got there she showed me her new white-handled Lady Smith & Wesson. I told her, “That gun is for sissies.” “She raised it up and put 2 in her parakeet without even blinking. You should have seen all the feathers. It took 3 days to clean em’ up. They were everywhere. What a shot. Oh excuse me”.

Yelling at one of the protestors she says, “Mary, the next time one of those Commies drives by and gives you the one finger salute tell him “Today ain’t your lucky day”.

Turning back to me, Millie says, “What was I saying? Oh wait a minute.” Yelling again, “Howard hold that flag like you’re proud and don’t let it hit the ground again.” Barking more orders, “George? Smile more when the cars go by.” George’s sign said Barack the 4th Marx Brother.

“Millie you never told me why you need a gun.” “Well, Buster if someone trys to
sneak into my room in the middle of the night and grab my Medicare Card I want to make sure I put a big hole in em” That is why I like the Glock. It sends a big message.”

“Millie who are you afraid of?” In a stern voice she said, “You know you can’t trust those bleeding heart liberals.” “What do you mean?” “Well, I saw an Obama sticker on one of the cars in the parking lot. I figured it belongs to one of those leftist do-gooder aids making believe he is making my life better while he robs me blind. That is how they do it you know. Can’t trust em’. While he is telling you he is giving you better health care at the home, he is in your purse snooping around for some cash. It’s all about the cash with those people.”

Changing the subject she said, “Did you see us on TV at the Vern Buchanan Town Hall Meeting?” “You were there?” “Yep, we were yelling down those MoveOn.org people who left early with their Made In China protest signs. When we were done with them they were crying like babies.”

“Gee, I’m sorry I missed it.” Pointing to her crew she said with pride, “I ain’t payin’em. Those are real protestors. Yes sir, the real McCoys.”

Thinking I had heard it all I said, “Well, this has been very exciting for me. I guess I should let you get back to work waving signs”.

“Heck, I don’t wave signs, I’m a Community Organizer.”

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